


Lifting His Spirit

by firegrilled



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃！巨人中学校 | Shingeki! Kyojin Chuugakkou | Attack on Titan: Junior High
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, But its worth it, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, GhostHunter!Armin, Haunting, Like way too many for one Jean, M/M, Neighbor!Eren, Oneshot, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sex Toys, Sexual Humor, Slow Build, SnK Minibang 2016, but still alive, spirit!Marco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7932133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firegrilled/pseuds/firegrilled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After getting in an accident that leaves his body in a coma, Marco finds his spirit drawn towards his best friend and long time crush Jean’s apartment. What starts as Marco trying to contact his friend turns to Marco pranking him as his mischievous side gets the best of him. And when Marco learns of his best friends rather extensive sex toy collection Jean is faced with questions he never thought before: ‘did I leave my vibrator running?’, ‘when did I refrigerate my lube?’, 'why is there a floating floppy pink dildo over my nice china?’, and 'how to exorcise demons from said dildo?’</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lifting His Spirit

A low hum reverberated through the dense, silent fog Marco found himself trapped in. His exhausted conscious tried to focus on the sound, and the low hum grew into a steady beep. Pause, beep, scratch, pause. The noises grew steadily, forcing him to try and find the source. As the sounds grew louder and sharper, Marco tried to cover his ears. He was unable to prevent the pulsing noises from wracking his eardrums as he wandered aimlessly. When the noises reached unbearable peaks, the fog went no further. He found himself at the precipice of somewhere, yet nowhere. And he let the sounds guide him just a little bit more.

_Pause._

Marco glanced over the edge, watching the fog roll off in folds into oblivion.

_Bang_

He let himself fall with the crashing sound.

_Rip_

Invisible tethers around him slowed his descent momentarily, like invisible ropes, but each snapped under the force of his conscious. As he rocketed downwards towards a light he braced for impact.

_Pause_

Marco jolted upright, breathing heavily. His eyes darted around what was clearly not his bedroom. White walls, discolored by a yellowish hue, teal green tiles, and lots of machines making a symphony of beeps and scratches. Where was he?

In front of him stood a man with glasses and a clipboard taking notes. A long white lab coat, blue button down shirt, and pressed dress pants. An important guy probably.

“Time is 23:47. Patient is resting after traumatic injury. Brain swelling is minimal thanks to intervention. True extent of injuries is yet to be determined.” The man spoke aloud as he jotted notes onto the clipboard.

“Hello?” Marco greeted the doctor.

The man paused momentarily, looking right at Marco, before finishing up his notes and walking towards the door. Marco wanted to get answers so he went towards the door. Only something seemed off. The door got closer but he didn’t feel his legs moving. In fact, he was still sitting on his butt. In the middle of the room. Marco quickly turned around and saw a sleeping body from where he came.

In the pale moonlight he saw the outline of bandages wrapped around the person’s head with a cast around an arm. Marco drifted back towards the body and felt chills go through his spine as recognition sunk in. The freckles spattered across the pale cheeks, brown hair partially shaved off, and that disgustingly seafoam green hospital gown. It was him. But if that was him then what was he doing outside his body? Floating?

“Oh swizzle sticks,” Marco groaned as realization dawned upon. “But how? Why?”

With silence as his only answer, Marco crossed his arms and his legs. He floated towards the door, still cross legged and confirmed his suspicions when he phased right through it. Doctors and nurses walked along the rather silent hallway, interacting briefly but the sounds didn’t reach Marco. He floated back into his room, looking for a mirror. He stared into the reflective surface finding the vaguest outline of his shape floating in the air. He was humanoid and that was definitely his bedhead, but he found himself featureless. He cocked his head back and exhaled once more. Or at least that’s what he felt like he was doing.

The rhythmic beeps kept time and it only seemed to drone on after each annoying interval. Figuring there wasn’t much to do here, Marco dared to float outside his window. The city skyline of Trost always shown bright, especially in the winter night. Tonight though, it only seemed grey. None of the speckled Christmas lights dotted the town, only dull grey lights. Yet in the drab scene two spots appeared bright orange in the menagerie of faded grey.

With little left to lose, Marco dared to glide towards one of them. While some of his friends might’ve found flying across the air exhilarating, Marco tightened his hands at his side. Heights were not his favorite thing and considering his current ethereal form it seemed like such a trivial phobia to have, but he still gripped his arms closer. He remained cross legged as he glided across the clear night sky, daring only to look up at the bright full moon and stars sparkling like jewels in the night sky. The enormous dark expanse soothed his nerves as he journeyed into the city.

As Marco descended, déjà vu welcomed him because this part of the city seemed alive with some color and life. Something old yet familiar made him feel welcomed. The warmth emanated from an apartment overlooking a shady bar and some fast food. He knew the Trost University campus was close but he hadn’t been out this way in quite some time.

As he approached the front door, he attempted to grab the handle, only for his hand to phase through it.

“Ghost, duh,” Marco retorted to himself. Unrestricted by conventional means, he glided through the door. Whether or not by force of habit Marco approached the stairwell and tried to climb the stairs, only for his foot to go through the stairs. “Really?”

Exasperated with his new form, Marco willed himself to float up the stairwell. Occasionally he floated through some stairs. Inconvenient? Definitely. Faster? Oh yes.

The farther up he flew, the warmer and stronger he felt. Once he reached the same floor as the apartment, the comforting presence grew exponentially stronger. Marco dared to float down the hall as lingering memories struggled to manifest in his head. Why was this place so familiar yet foreign to him? He reached the end of the hall and found apartment MP104.

Did he know who lived there?

With only one way to find out, Marco pressed himself into the door. Unlike the door downstairs he found some resistance, but he managed to pass through regardless and the answer to his pressing question was immediately answered. In fact, it was sprawled out on a tattered couch.

Laying on the coffee table by the couch stood several multicolored shot glasses and an empty bottle of peppermint schnapps. Continuing the holiday theme, Marco’s best friend snored loudly while partially covered in a raggedy Christmas quilt. Underneath the cheap fabric rested Jean Kirschtein. His two toned hair splayed in various directions, drool pooling at the side of his mouth waiting to fall onto the second hand couch, one foot escaping the blanket and the other dangling over the edge. The sight was enough to send relief flooding through his system, as well as a chuckle. A rather unattractive snore escaped the passed out boy, yet it still sent Marco’s ethereal heart racing.

Marco rolled his eyes as Jean unconsciously scratched the fuzz on his chin. The normally well-kept boy had let himself go a few days without a razor and his bedhead only added to the rough image. Still, Marco found himself gliding over to his best friend and moving a strand of hair to the side. Next he grabbed the blanket and moved it to better cover his friend before settling on the floor and opting to rest his eyes. He felt no pressure from the floor but it seemed solid enough that he opted to close his eyes.

His eyes remained shut for only a few seconds when realization creeped into his head and he bolted upright. He phased through Jean’s coffee table and grabbed the strand of hair he set aside only moments before.

Marco watched with intense curiosity as he shifted the strand around.

“Back and forth. Back and forth.” Time was a lost concept as this one piece of hair fascinated him to no end. Despite being able to grasp and move such a fine object, Marco found no sensation in his hand. Almost like touching it through a glove. “Back and forth…”

Suddenly Jean stretched, a hand passing through Marco, and he let out a loud yawn. Stunned by the reaction, Marco toppled backwards into the table, thankfully passing through it. Boredom began to set in once more as he contemplated what he could do. He let out an exasperated sigh, barely registering the breeze hitting one of the shot glasses. Unconsciously he grabbed the plastic shot glass to steady it.

A small idea formed in Marco’s head as he observed the small cups on the table and the empty schnapps glass. He took the cups and started making patterns with them. First a circle around the glass, then a square, and then a triangle. Finding amusement where he shouldn’t have, he then started stacking them. He started making a pyramid when one fell over and sent the entire structure crashing down. Marco paused, pursing his lips together. Jean only gave a drunk snore in response.

Seeing his cue to continue, Marco re-stacked the cups into a pyramid before deciding to go snoop around Jean’s apartment. By all means it wasn’t bad for a college student’s budget. The kitchen was old and outdated with ceramic tiles from the previous decade coloring the walls in a pale pastel backwash, with cast iron cooking pans dangling from old wooden cabinets. Though Marco didn’t dare try, the cabinets probably creaked as well.

Marco floated down the hall and found an empty bedroom with nothing but boxes as well as a minimally stocked bathroom. Minus toilet paper, a sink, and a mirror there wasn’t much of note. Going against his better judgement Marco, floated through the door to Jean’s room and found exactly what he expected: a half made full size bed, clothes all over the floor and bed, a desk with an eclectic collection of plushies and papers, and a lamp. Jean was still as messy as he had been when they roomed together freshman year of college. Off to the side of Jean’s room was another bathroom that seemed just as messy as his.

Marco hovered back to Jean’s bed to further test his abilities. “For science.”

Floating carefully over the mattress, Marco gently let himself fall and land softly. He noticed the fabric registered the shape of his body, or lack thereof, yet he felt no pleasant cushion. _So much for that idea._

Three loud knocks sent Marco flying straight up from the bed and towards the popcorn ceiling, stopping right before impact. It took a second to recall that gravity did not have much effect on him so he let himself drift gently like a leaf back down onto the bed. The pounding continued at the door. Letting his curiosity continue to get the better of him, Marco passed through the walls to see the newcomer.

“Just a moment…” a hoarse voice spoke.

Marco poked his head through the wall in time to see his best friend in nothing but an old track t shirt and gym shorts opening the door, revealing a smaller gentlemen dressed in a button down shirt and slacks.

Jean blinked twice to clear the sleep from his eyes, but glancing at the shorter man was all it took for haze to clear his head. “Le-Levi, sir!”

“Kirschtein,” the black haired man greeted. “May I?”

“Yes, sir.” Jean stepped back, gesturing for his guest to enter.

Levi carefully wiped his dress shoes on the carpet outside, only coming in once they met his standards. He peered around the room, examining the second hand furnishings and the mess. “Really, Kirschtein? Your taste in decor is rather drab.”

“I’m not paid enough to get fancy stuff, sir.” The shorter man cast a glare towards Jean who quickly raised his hands. “I mean, I have enough to survive. You and Mr. Smith pay well.”

“Damn right we do,” Levi gave the tiniest of smirks. “I see you have enough money to drown your sorrows away though. And enough time to make minor architectural wonders.”

Jean glanced over Levi’s head to see the empty schnapps bottle and Marco’s pyramid of shot glasses. He quirked an eyebrow at the display but returned his attention to Levi.

“Yeah, I’ve had some time to do some reflecting.”

“Skipping work has its perks,” Levi frowned. He kicked off his shoes and walked towards Jean’s empty dining table, setting a rather big black gift bag down on it. Jean shut the door and took a seat across from Levi.

“Is that why you’re here, sir?” Jean asked. “I requested those days off a long time ago.”

“I know, I’m not that much of an asshole that I’d schedule you during your time off.”

“Actually you did schedule me every day, sir.” Jean pressed his lips together as he waited for Levi’s reaction.

“Oh, that’s why Erwin worked the front those days,” Levi thought aloud, crossing his legs as he leaned back in the chair. It squeaked as the ancient wood stretched out of place. “I guess I am an asshole.”

“You are, sir.” Jean gave a tired smile as he glanced at the bag.

“Enough formality, Jean. Erwin and I heard what happened to your boyfriend on your vacation. Is he going to be okay?”

Marco perked up at those words. Jean, his best friend, had a boyfriend? Jean was gay? Deciding it was time to get closer, Marco pulled himself through the wall and over to the kitchen.

“Marco is _not_ my boyfriend. He’s my best friend.” Jean corrected, his facing flushing at the accusation.

“Really? From the empty bottle and the text you sent Erwin I thought your grandmother kicked the bucket or something.”

“No. But it’s bad. Last I heard he was in surgery. The dumbass crashed when we were going down the ski slope.” Marco immediately scoffed at the name, but when he looked at Jean he was surprised to find tears on the edges of his eyes. “He hit his head, really bad. I _told_ him it was a bad idea to go off the path but he didn’t listen.”

Marco tilted his head as he tried to remember such an accident but it didn’t come to mind. Was that why he was like this?

“Jean, it's okay. Take your time to process this,” Levi leaned forward, his chair squeaking back into place. He placed a hand on Jean’s shoulder, squeezing it. “We don’t want you back until you’re better.”

“But I’d rather be distracting myself with work-”

“No. I’m not going to have your depressed ass knocking shit over and breaking things.”

Jean groaned at the thought. “Please, I’ll be so bored here.”

“Don’t you have Netflix or something? Besides Erwin and I pitched in and got some gifts for you,” Levi pushed the mysterious black bag towards his employee. “We saw your wish list and decided Christmas should come early for you.”

“You can see that?!” Jean flushed red once more, confusing Marco with the reaction.

“Duh, its in the database,” Levi rolled his eyes, seemingly pleased with the reaction.

“But that's for my reference only,” Jean weakly replied.

“Not really. But I’m sure _these_ can keep you entertained until you’re better.”

Jean pulled the bag towards himself and steadily grew to the color of a tomato as he fished through the items Marco couldn’t see. Eventually he pulled out a rather large double ended pink dildo. “Pink?!”

Marco’s mouth dropped at the sight.

Levi reached into the bag and pulled out a jar. “And strawberry flavored lube to go with it. What? You didn’t specify color on your wishlist.”

“I don’t need flavored lube!”

“Based on how many employee discounts you ring in for lube, we disagree.” Levi shrugged his shoulders as he got to his feet.

“ _You read those too?_ ” Jean tilted his head back and heaved a breath.

“No, Erwin does. He just tells me about it and we laugh over wine.” Levi informed him. Jean stood up to accompany his boss to the door.

“I’m glad I can provide you both some entertainment.”

“You do. And if you can afford half the shit you ring up, I know you can afford some better decorations,” Levi retorted. He stared around the room once more, taking no note of the ghost by the kitchen table. His attention was focused on the coffee table though. Levi wrinkled his nose in displeasure at the sight. “And for godsake, clean this place up. It's like a pigsty.”

Jean rolled his eyes as Levi exited his apartment. “Yes, _mom_.”

His boss slowly turned his head and gave him the evil eye. “Hope you get better soon, but not that soon.”

“Uh yes, sir. Thank you, sir!” Jean panicked before shutting the door and locking it. He fell back onto the door, shaking. “That was a poor choice of words.”

Marco paid more attention to the bag on the table and floated over to it to try and gauge more of the contents, but black tissue paper blocked the way. When the futility of the task sunk in, Marco finally looked at his best friend. Jean pushed himself up with his feet from the floor, walking back to the couch. He grabbed the empty peppermint schnapps bottle, attempting to drink any of its leftover contents.

“Getting drunk off candy canes, eh Jean?” Marco snickered as Jean stared at the shot glasses.

“I need to stop drinking this shit.” Jean commented as he walked towards the hallway. He dropped the empty bottle in the trash on his way to his room. “Shit.”

He came running back to grab the bag and returned to his room. Marco trailed along like a lost puppy, curious to see where he was taking those _gifts_.

Marco hovered in the corner as he watched Jean kneel next to his bed, looking both ways before pulling out a box. Steadily Marco drifted closer as Jean started to remove the contents of the bag: the well-endowed double headed pink dildo, a rather generous jar of pink lube, several vibrators, and a rather interesting looking egg. Each item was piled into a nondescript cardboard box and shoved deep under the bed.

“Wha-” Marco fell backwards as Jean stood up through him and fell onto his bed.

“Gah, I need to turn the heat up.” Jean glanced at the door to hall and sighed.

Instead he rolled over some clothes and scrambled under his duvet. He snuggled into the soft sheets, easing off into sleep once more. 

“That was fast,” Marco looked over at the flashing red alarm clock, his jaw dropping when he saw it was five in the morning. “What boss visits their employee so early?”

Silence was his only answer. Marco drifted around the apartment, finding no entertainment with Jean asleep. If his apparent head injury didn’t kill him, monotony would.

As he lay around in the air, he reminisced about their early years in college and the mischief he and Jean would get into. What started as a friendly pranking competition fall semester against each other grew to include some of their unfortunate neighbors like Eren Jaeger and Armin Arlert. Yet it was the simple pranks against Jean that garnered the best reactions.

The wicked thought brought an equally wicked grin to his face as he contemplated a scheme to keep himself amused. If he had no idea how long he’d be wandering around as an ethereal entity, he might as well make the most of it.

A loud snore confirmed Marco’s hopes that Jean was indeed knocked out, so he began his first and what he considered his oldest prank. He floated over to the bathroom in the hallway and explored it a little further. He found a small stash of toilet paper under the sink with plenty of room for expansion.

Next he phased through the bathroom wall into Jean’s personal bathroom. Luck seemed to be favoring him today since the toiler paper roll next to the toilet was empty. Scanning the room once more, he found a rather impressive stack of toilet paper under the sink.

With all the time in the world quite literally, Marco began the tedious process of transporting the toilet paper one roll at a time to the other bathroom. He picked up his first and tried to bring it through the sink. Unlike him though, the roll hit the solid surface and fell back down with a thud.

“Oh boy,” Marco peeked through the wall to check on Jean, thankfully still asleep.

Since only he could go through objects, Marco picked the roll up again and carefully floated it through Jean’s room and into the guest bathroom. He repeated this process for all rolls, always keeping a ghostly eye on his friend as he passed through his room. When the last roll filled out the cabinet, Marco gently closed the creaky door before floating to the other bathroom to repeat the same thing.

If memory served him right, Jean was livid the last time he had to perform the walk of shame with his pants around his knees to fetch toilet paper from their room when Marco pulled a stunt like this. Although it was more a waddle than a walk of shame. The string of curses he was greeted with made the effort worth it. He could only imagine how Jean would be once morning arrived.

Content with himself, Marco drifted back to Jean’s room. He found him fast asleep with one arm clutching the duvet close to his chest. Much to Marco’s amusement the one strand of hair from before still fell out of place. He hovered above him to once again move the strand aside.

Marco sat cross legged in the air before drifting through the roof of the apartment. He paid no attention to the other rooms he glided through, only noting the lack of resistance as he pushed through floor after floor. As he made it to the roof, he stared off towards the horizon and smiled as the beginnings of the sunrise made themselves known. His smile faltered when he noticed the color palette of the sunrise remained muted greys and not the potpourri of reds, pinks and oranges he loved.

“Oh that’s butterscotch,” Marco frowned momentarily, before switching back to a tiny grin. “I guess being a ghost does have its drawbacks.”

Despite not being able to see the beautiful sunrise he always cherished, there seemed to be something oddly comforting about watching it in sepia tone.

\---

The cascade of curses that shouted from the bathroom caught Marco’s attention, and brought a wide grin to his pale face. Jean’s remarks were a symphony to his ears that had him in stitches on the floor.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Jean grumbled as he waddled out his room, pants around his feet. Marco didn’t dare look as he simply enjoyed the chorus of curses. “Why is this fucking filled?! Sure, leave your own bathroom neglected Kirschtein but make sure the guests can survive the shit-pocalypse.”

Marco gazed down the hallways to see Jean’s pasty ass waddling back with with his arms full of toilet paper rolls, dropping one as he entered his room. If Marco wasn’t a ghost Jean would hear him laughing himself to tears.

“Yeah, this is how I’m going to pass the time.” Marco stated as he devised his next plan.

While Jean showered and got ready for a day of doing absolutely nothing, Marco schemed the various ways he could keep himself entertained. Most would require time and patience, both of which he had plenty of right now. But if he didn’t want to get caught or put Jean on edge he had to be stealthy about it.

The saying ‘the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ proved to be very true with Jean. Having Jean as a roommate was a relatively easy experience for Marco due to their ability to share most things with the exception of food. Jean was particular about what he bought, how much he bought, and where he put the food and drinks he bought. 

Seeking to better understand his tastes, Marco floated over to the fridge and peered through it to see how Jean’s tastes had changed since freshman year. The answer was not at all.

Plenty of of basics like milk, soda, beer, countless leftovers that were probably expired, and a variety of ramen stacked in the back. “Why do you refrigerate your ramen?”

Knowing there was no immediate answer, Marco took note of the condiments, the jams and jellies, and the two boxes of wine. He almost screamed when the door to the fridge opened with him still in it. He quickly glided back into the dining room. Jean pulled out a glass and walked over to the cabinets. Marco observed him as he grabbed a cup for water and some bread. Eventually he dragged everything over to the couch where he turned on Netflix and started a random show that Marco hadn’t heard of.

“Let’s see what all the hype is about,” Jean huffed as hit play and relaxed into the sofa. Marco sat quietly watching him as Jean slowly opened the bread bag. He reached over to grab something, only to grasp as nothing. “Ah damn it.”

Marco quirked an eyebrow as Jean strolled back to the kitchen and dipped into the fridge once more. He returned with a jar of strawberry jam as well as a knife. While Netflix attracted Jean’s attention, Marco glided over and grinned as his next idea formed. For breakfast Jean simply spread some jam on his toast, tossing aside the nearly empty jar with the knife clanking inside it. 

“Strawberry jam? Perfect,” Marco read aloud. Suddenly a ringing from the bedroom caught his attention, yet Jean chose to ignore it. “You gonna answer that?”

Jean seemed to preoccupied with his show to even acknowledge his cell phone. As soon as the device muted, it went off again. This process continued for some time as Jean simply raised the volume on the television to drown out his phone. Marco flew down the hall to see who was the persistent caller but the caller ID only displayed _Shithead_.

To his relief, it didn’t ring again. But the peace was momentary as a loud knock startled him.

“Jean Kirschtein open this door or I’ll knock another hole through your wall!” An angry but all too familiar voice shouted.

“Alright, alright, keep your pants on Jaeger!” Jean replied, pausing his show. Dusting himself of bread crumbs, Jean ran a hand through his bedhead and took his time getting to the door. He cracked it, only for a force to push wide open.

“Why won’t you answer your phone, asshat?” Eren demanded.

“Left it in my room.” Jean gestured over his shoulder. “And I don’t have any more posters to cover up your holes.”

“Then quit being lazy and answer your phone when I call.” 

Jean merely shrugged before walking over to the kitchen table. “What do you want?”

Eren followed over, kicking the door shut behind him. “Checking on you. It’s been a few days since anyone heard from you so I thought I’d drop by.”

“You live _next door_.” Jean squinted at his friend.

“I’m not your keeper. But even I haven’t seen you leave at all. Or heard you move, Mr, Bricks for feet.”

“Jokes on you, I gotta get food anyways. Finally out of jam,” Jean pointed to the empty bottle on the coffee table.

“You really need a better diet.”

“Says the guy with three different pizza companies on speed dial.” Jean smirked.

“One for me, one for Mikasa, and one for Armin. I know my priorities.” Eren glared back.

Marco laid on the couch, lazily eavesdropping on the banter. He never expected Eren to live next door to Jean considering how much they hated each other when they met. Two years in engineering and mutual hatred for teachers could bring even the worst of rivals together.

“If you had your priorities right Armin wouldn’t have been the last one on your list. How is he?”

“Oh shut up,” Eren crossed his arms, turning towards the kitchen. “And he’s fine. Probably watching A Haunting or something equally stupid. Last week he wanted to go ghost hunting in the university library. _After hours_.”

“And what’d you say?” Jean rested his chin in his hands.

“Hell no. I ain’t gonna be caught dead in that building during the day, let alone in the dark with just him.” Eren’s wide eyed look earned a snort from Jean.

“You’re hopeless. That was the perfect chance.”

“Hello pot, my name is kettle. Why yes, I am black.” Eren mocked Jean. Jean’s smile faded as did Eren’s. “How is Marco?”

“Based off the message his mom left me, I… I don’t really know. They put him in a coma for healing,” Jean informed his friend. “They don’t know how long he’ll be out or if he’ll completely heal.”

“But that’s better than before,” Eren formed a tiny smile. “All we can do is wait. It’s Marco so of course he’ll come back.”

“I hope so.” Jean agreed. Eren stood up and walked over, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

“Just have some faith. You still up for dinner next week?”

“Yeah that’s still on. But I swear to God if you bring pizza…”

“Just don’t make ramen. Again,” Eren warned on his way to the door. “Why do you even have that in your fridge?”

“It keeps the pasta crunchy.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Does too!” Jean yelled back, but Eren was already closing the door behind him leaving Jean huffing. “Arrogant bastard.”

“That’s still the pot calling the kettle black, Jean,” Marco chimed in from the couch, not that Jean seemed to notice.

\---

True to his word, Jean left the apartment and gave Marco the time he needed to finally scout the remaining supplies he’d need for his pranks. Jean’s room was still as messy as the first time he had entered it. Even the posters plastered around the walls were of pretty low quality, especially the one for a video game directly above Jean’s headboard. It honestly looked like the cover of a videogame. Following a hunch Marco peered through the poster and confirmed his suspicions. It was covering a hole behind it.

“So that’s the hole Eren punched into here,” Marco laughed.

Remembering his real mission in the bedroom, he guided himself to the side of Jean’s bed. Next he reached through the bed in an attempt to find a box. The task was easier said than done however, as Marco kept pushing himself through the very box he was trying to grab. After more failed attempts than he wished to admit, Marco managed to push out the box where Jean stored his ‘gifts’ from his boss.

Opening the box carefully like a kid at Christmas, Marco’s hopes and expectations were simultaneously exceeded and disappointed.

“Jean, you have a problem.” Marco declared to no one as he started pulling out his friend’s toys.

Calling it a problem, or an addiction, or a collection all would’ve been accurate statements. The very top of the box were the recent gifts from his boss: the bright pink double ended dildo, the vibrators in a variety of sizes from chapstick to Reiner Braun (thank you communal bathrooms), and that egg that Marco didn’t recognize. He also found the generous jar of lube.

“Strawberry shortcake,” Marco read the label, placing it next to the other goodies.

He continued to fish through the contents finding more dildos in numerous sizes, materials, and textures. On top of those Marco sifted through some vibrators, severals much smaller containers of lube, and what he thought were several weird looking flashlights. He quickly put Jean’s belongings back in the box but left it outside the bed. He continued to look under the mattress for other boxes. To his joy he found one more box that moved much easier than the first. Either it was lighter or Marco was gaining better control of his newfound abilities.

Quickly opening the new box, Marco felt like blushing as he glanced inside. “So you’re into that stuff too.”

Marco carefully lifted a leather leash from the box, which also brought out more leather laces _and was that a whip?_ He dropped the tangle of leashes outside the box and stuck out his tongue. Continuing the search Marco found many more leashes and just as many collars to attach to each one, on top of a variety of gags, nipple clamps, and more whips. “Why, Jean? Why do you need all of these?”

The last modicum of respect he had for his crush died when he found found a harness for the dildos Jean owned. All Marco could muster himself to do was shake his head as he boxed everything up. At least he had a variety of items to work with.

Careful to place everything back where he found it, Marco pushed the boxes underneath the bed as he retreated to Jean’s desk. He attempted to pull the chair out to sit down, only for his hand to go through the chair. With a little more focus he achieved his goal. He sat down and proceeded go through no only the chair but also part of the floor. This whole not sitting thing still didn’t sit well with him at all.

“Up we go,” Marco said as he tried to find something else to amuse himself with. He noticed Jean’s ancient laptop closed on the desk. A variety of nerdy stickers and logos plastered the back of the scratched up laptop, or as he dubbed freshman year: the Craptop. He passed an ethereal hand over the closed device, not registering any of the bumps or residue from the tasteless decor.

 _”They aren’t tasteless, they’re memes! You wouldn’t get it, farm boy.”_ Marco recalled Jean attempting to explain the horrendous stickers to him the first time.

“Still pretty ugly, Jean,” Marco disagreed. “But let’s see what you have hiding in here.”

With a new task in mind, Marco placed a ghostly finger on the edge of the lid to open the craptop, only to phase right through it. His second attempt went about as badly as his first. The third time he focused as much as he could just on the tip of his finger, only for it to move the entire laptop and not just the lid. He repeated this over and over again but couldn’t succeed. Jean just needed to get careless or lazy and leave it open if Marco wanted to fiddle around on the internet or Jean’s programs.

“Stupid ghost body can’t do anything right.” Marco grumbled as he left the pig sty of a room for the kitchen. Glancing at the clock, he determined he had enough time to execute his latest scheme.

Searching for the strawberry jam jar was easier than he thought since it was exactly where Jean left it earlier. While finding it proved to be a relatively painless endeavor, retrieving it had been more difficult than he hoped. Why was grabbing things an issue now?

With tremendous focus he managed to grasp the jar with on hand, but it slipped out onto the table. He squinted at the glass as he picked it up one more time, hastily placing his other hand below it as he glided back to the kitchen. When he reached the counter, he noticed it being slightly higher than he recalled. Since when he was eye level with the drawer?

Facing downwards, Marco saw his legs were partially through the ground. “Really?”

He pushed himself upwards through the floor and set the glass down on the counter. He pulled the knife out and chucked it onto the sink with a loud crash against the dinner plates. Marco cringed at the bang, reminding himself of the importance of stealth.

Cautious of any more noise, he carefully turned on the hot water and waited for it to begin steaming before he stuck the glass jar underneath it. The glass jar quickly crashed into the sink once more as water filled it. Marco tossed his head back and heaved a sigh. So much for stealth. Still, he continued the task and tried to empty the water. Unlike the empty jar this one wouldn't budge as hot water started pouring over the edge, Marco withdrew his hand quickly for fear of burning it. He froze for a few moments before he laughed at himself.

“I’m terrible at this ghost thing.”

If he couldn’t pick up the glass, then he could just scoop out the leftover jam with his fingers. Temperature meant nothing to him and it was sanitary to the best of his knowledge. Marco turned off the water and proceed the tedious process of removing the leftover jam with his index finger. He dumped what he could in the sink, sometimes dropping the sticky pink jam prematurely onto another dish. By the time he finished cleaning more time had passed than he anticipated. If he wasn’t careful Jean would be arriving soon.

He floated over to the window to confirm his fears, and saw Jean walking down the street.

“Shoot, shoot, shoot,” he muttered like a child who forgot to do their chores. 

He once again tried to pick up the glass but it refused to budge. Taking a moment to be pensive instead of rash, Marco’s eyes searched the sink for something that could help. He breathe a sigh of relief when he found a fork. Carefully and with much focus he pushed the prongs underneath the jar. Next he smashed with as much force as he could muster on the other end of the fork like a lever, generating enough pressure to tilt the glass jar over. 

“Victory is mine!”

Marco grabbed the jar like he did earlier and carried it over to the counter. Using a nearby towel he dried what he could. There was not enough time to complete what he wanted so needed a hiding place for the jar, and he opted to stash in on a shelf well out of Jean’s reach.

As Marco started complimenting himself for a job well done, he looked back at the living room. Lying on the table was the cap for the jar. He flew to go grab it, but the lock to the apartment clicked as he grasped it. He flew back as quick as he could as the handle turned, trying to keep out of view. The door opened to reveal a rather flushed Jean carrying a few plastic bags. Marco floated in the kitchen out of Jean’s view, placing the cap on the glass jar. It seemed like he had a better grip on the cap than he did before though.

With Jean back he’d have to finish his plan later.

\---

Marco threw the jar of strawberry shortcake lube up and down in his hands as he stared at the pale moonlight. A few days had given him enough time to practice moving and pulling objects. It boosted his confidence enough that he finally attempted his prank, and to his surprise Jean didn’t even notice. He floated back to Jean’s bedroom, passing over his sleeping friend, and retrieved the box from below the bed. He opened it and placed the jar back in. Before pushing it back under the mattress, Marco grabbed a few of the smaller vibrators. He also took the bottle of lube Jean had on his nightstand with him.

Depositing the lube in the fridge near the jam jar he replaced only a few days earlier, he checked behind the boxes of leftovers to make sure Jean hadn’t discovered the real jar.

“He won’t be finding that anytime soon,” Marco confirmed its location to himself.

Next he began the fun process of sticking the vibrators in random places: the dining room table, under a pillow on the couch, back in the fridge, and the last one he placed carefully in Jean’s hand.

The glaring red alarm clock confirmed Jean still had a few more hours before he’d be awake so Marco floated back to the living room. If he was a good friend he’d probably clean up after Jean’s mess on the table. Too much booze once again at least gave him ample opportunity to lay the seeds for his next trick, but the glass half full of wine on the coffee table was just disgusting.

Rather than remain stifled in the pig sty of an apartment, he floated through the ceiling and straight towards the roof once more to bask underneath the stars. He popped through the roof and on what he perceived to be the edge of the building. The early bands of light already started to appear on the horizon. Marco imagined the grey bands as the same colors he saw his first night: red orange and bright yellow. He fell backwards, probably into the building a little bit, staring at the stars too numerous to count.

He shivered under their peaceful glow. Each star reminded him of the stories his mom told when he was younger, explaining the stars were like the freckles on his skin. They were bright and a source of joy, although tonight they simply made him cold and tired. It had been a while since he felt those sensations and now he felt himself drifting off, his ethereal eyelids closing.

When he opened his eyes, he found himself back in the dingy hospital room he awoke in a while ago. How did he get back here? Regardless, he turned around to double check and confirmed he still was a spirit as his body still remained comatose below him. Another trip to the mirror confirmed his ghostly image. Still shapeless, minus his hair, and featureless.

He flew out the wall and along the sky, recognizing that the sun had indeed risen. Panic struck him as he recalled the moon being fully out. Did he just doze off? As a ghost?

He sped up towards Jean’s apartment and flew in the side of the building, once again facing some resistance as he entered Jean’s apartment. Marco muttered insults under his breath as he hoped he didn’t miss Jean finding the vibrators lying around. Impatience and fear driving him, Marco passed into Jean’s room. Much to his joy and shock, Jean lie in bed still asleep.

“So much for that,” Marco said. He did notice the vibrator missing from Jean’s hand though. “Now where did you go?”

A little bit of searching around the body and Marco found the control for the vibrator, but not the thing itself. He followed the cord as far as it’d go and it stopped at the hem of Jean’s boxer briefs.

“Well this got more interesting,” a wicked smile crossed Marco’s face. He double checked the alarm clock to confirm Jean had indeed overslept, before continuing with his new plan. 

Maintaining as much stealth as he could, Marco slowly pulled the remote for the vibrator into Jean’s open palm. Next he closed Jean’s hand around the switch and placed his thumb right next to the On button. “Rise and shine, sleepyhead.”

With a flick of the switch Marco watched Jean return to the land of the living. The reaction, brief but immediate, had Marco giggling like a schoolgirl in the air. Jean’s eyes popped open, his voice jumped three octaves, and the shrill gasp guaranteed he was out of bed. Unintentionally or not, Jean managed to pull and chuck the vibrator out of his pants and into the nearby wall. 

 

“Ha?!” Jean took a moment to recover his senses as he tried understand what just happened. The buzzing from the floor provided the extra hint to confirm his theory. “Jesus Christ, drunk me. Really?”

Marco stifled anymore laughter as Jean rolled over to turn off the device. With the commotion settled, Jean took his time to get ready and Marco left him in peace to shower and get food. He opted to lay on the couch and watch as a damp Jean walked to the fridge, pull out the jam, shut the door, and then quickly reopen it.

“One of these things is not like the other~” Marco hummed from across the room. “One of these things doesn’t belong.”

Jean pulled out another vibrator and the lube. “What the shit, drunk me?”

“Well, two of them don’t belong.” Marco chuckled.

Jean stared at the two items before shuffling a few things around in the fridge and putting them back in. “Temperature play could be fun I suppose. Good idea, drunk me.”

Marco rolled off the couch and through the coffee table. “Really?!”

Jean returned to the living room and flopped onto the couch with his bread and jam. Or at least what Jean thought was the jam. He switched on Netflix like he’d been doing for the last few days and started his morning routine of breakfast and TV. Jean really was a creature of habit.

Marco sat cross legged on the coffee table, and stared intensely at Jean. His crush dipped a knife into the jar of strawberry shortcake lube, only for it to slide right off the knife. He tried this two more times before concentrating harder on it. “I swear this jam is runnier than the last time I bought it.”

If that was the best reaction Marco would get from the jar of lube so be it, he had another ace in the hole. Jean laid down on his side, placing the plate with toast on the coffee table, entralled by his new show. Marco ignored the space lions on the TV as he reached under the pillow and switched on the vibrator. The loud buzzing had Jean rolling off the couch, and unlike Marco who floated into the coffee table, Jean fell to gravity and crashed onto the floor.

“Holy-” Jean threw the pillow onto the other side of the couch and glared at the vibrator. “Why? Why drunk me?”

He sighed and picked up the vibrator to take back to the room, when he noticed another vibrator lying on the table. “What the fuck, drunk me?! How many do you need?”

Marco snorted as he floated behind Jean back to the bedroom. However Jean walked toward his closet and not the side of his bed, a move that perplexed Marco. His friend pulled out another nondescript box and started pulling a variety of new sex toy out, baffling Marco. Buttplugs, paddles, and rings? How much stuff did he have?!

Regardless of the new mess he made, Jean placed the vibrators inside and put everything away once again. Leaving Marco satisfied yet puzzled by his friend, Jean won that round.

\---

“You shit on me bringing pizza and grab _McDonald’s_?” Eren choked on his words. His eyes looked as if they’d burn a hole through the paper bags Jean had set on the table.

“On nice china.” Jean grinned, as if impressed by his set-up.

“I really don’t care for you right now.” Eren replied, his loathsome tone amusing Marco. “I got enough PBR to keep us good for the evening.”

“And you criticize my choice of food.” Jean scoffed. He waited for Eren to set the large box down before grabbing a can of beer for himself. “Still gets the job done I suppose.”

“See, you at least like it.” Eren opened one of the bags and pulled out a hamburger for himself. “At least you remembered my toppings.”

“Duh, not that hard to remember your picky ass. Seriously, who doesn’t lack cheese and mustard. Oh right, this lactose intolerant asshole.” Jean teased as he got himself food.

Marco watched with keen interest as the two drank more than they consumed, more interested in the small talk about their lives more than the meal. Eren’s fiery disposition gave away to a more relaxed and somber one, while Jean’s barbs dwindled into minor jabs.

“Keith? No way, you’re more like Lance,” Eren disagreed as he nibbled on a fry. “You’re too cocky and full of yourself to be Keith.”

“Please, I got the skills and attitude to be-”

“Lance.”

“Yeah, Lance. Wait no, fuck you. I meant Keith.” Jean glared across the table, ignoring Eren’s stifled chuckle. “I’m gonna take a leak, be right back.”

Eren watched Jean stagger to the bathroom, keeping a close eye on his friend. Marco squinted as he observed Eren. Was he checking out Jean’s ass? “Oh no you don’t.”

Marco scowled as he floated over to the table and glared intensely into Eren’s eyes. Even if he couldn’t see him that wouldn’t stop Marco from trying. Eren shivered as he bit into a fry. There was no way Marco was going to let Eren Jaeger have Jean Kirschtein. And he wasn’t going to let Jean get enamoured by a PBR and McDonalds dinner. That wasn’t even romantic!

Putting a plan together in his head rapidly, Marco knew how to scare Eren off. Watching Eren swirl his beer provided all the information he needed to get his plan in motion.

Carefully shutting the door to Jean’s room, Marco phased through the bed and pushed one of his boxes out. Rummaging through the box he started tossing dildos and the remaining vibrators onto the bed. He pulled out two more of the flashlight looking things and put them on the bed as well.

Taking his time to make a beautiful arrangement, he placed the dildos horizontally in parallel lines along the center of the bed, capping off both lines with the two flashlight things. He then put the jar of lube on the nightstand before pushing the other box out from underneath the bed. If Eren wanted Jean, he’d know all of Jean’s toys before he made a move. Cruel? Maybe, but at least it might scare off Eren.

For the second box, Marco simply arranged a variety of collars on the pillow, each having a different set of studs or spikes coming out of them. Hot Topic would’ve been proud of this set of gear. Marco scattered the mess of leashes and whips below the pillow and scanned his work. Not necessary a sex dungeon but it did make Jean’s collection seem quite impressive.

He glided out of the room wearing a smug grin, making a pitstop at the hallway bathroom. Silently he shut the door, clicking the lock as he passed through the door and into the living room. Much like with Jean, Marco patiently waited on the couch for the inevitable to happen. He kept a close eye on the number of beer cans stacking nicely next to Eren’s dinner plate while both boys made small talk. The mood seemed to have gotten more morose in his absence.

When the time came, Eren shot up from his seat and Marco mimicked the action. “Gotta pee!”

Eren sped down the hall as Jean rolled his eyes. Marco fluttered behind, watching with amusement as Eren struggled with the door. Marco said, “It’s not going to budge.”

“Jean, what the fuck? Did you lock this?” Eren shouted down the hall.

“I don’t think so. Did you try jiggling the handle?”

“That’s what I’m doing!”

“Don’t break the thing! Just use the one attached to my room. Ignore the mess!” Jean advised, only making Marco’s sly smile widen.

“Whatever. Can’t be as bad Armin’s room,” Eren commented as he rushed down the hall. Marco took a shortcut through the wall to catch Eren’s full reaction. Eren pushed the door open and sprinted to the toilet, completely missing the mess on the bed. Marco’s head fell as Eren actually followed Jean’s advice. After a minute or so the toilet flushed and Eren exited the bathroom.

Eren’s attempt to leave the bedroom crashed to a halt when he did take notice of Jean’s collection. Marco flipped backwards as Eren froze and went slack jawed at the sight on the bed. Watching Eren gawk at the collection was reminiscent of Marco’s reaction as he did the same only two weeks earlier. As Eren’s shock faded to confusion, he started counting something before covering his face with his hands. “Twenty two goddamn dildos. Oh Maria, give me strength.”

“What?” Jean called from down the hall.

“You’re mess is pretty fucking hard to ignore!” Eren replied.

“I know, I know. I need to clean it up later.”

“Why would you let me go through your room if you knew it was still here?” Eren’s face flushed at the thought.

“When you gotta go you gotta go.” Jean shrugged.

Eren took a moment to exhale and regain his composure before leaving the room. Marco snickered as he followed behind, stopping to undo the lock on the hallway bathroom. Returning to the living room, Marco saw Eren staring intently at the table. Jean continued to eat casually as he ignored Eren’s strange behavior. Eren eventually broke the silence.

“You know I like Armin, right?” he asked. 

Marco’s face dropped at Eren’s admission. “Oh boy.”

“Duh. How’s prince Charmin Armin?” Jean inquired, grabbing another can of beer.

Eren’s eyes briefly left the table to see Jean acting genuine and normal, before settling on his beer again. “Same old, same old. Still clueless to my feelings and still obsessed with the paranormal. Although he’s been staring at the online grade checker religiously.”

“He knows our semester GPAs aren’t going up until next week.”

“Yeah but that won’t stop him from looking.”

“As to be expected from the coconut.”

Eren narrowed his eyes at Jean, some semblance of normalcy returning. “Don’t insult him.”

“Not insulting, just pointing out that horrendous haircut.” Jean leaned back in his chair as he sipped on some beer.

Eren nodded and he glanced at the hallway once more. “And you’re still crushing on Marco?”

Jean almost tilted out of his chair at the sudden mention. Marco felt his heart drop at the question as well. “Well, yeah. That hasn’t changed from the last fifty times we discussed this.”

“O-okay.” Eren shifted uncomfortably. “How’s he doing?”

Jean’s body slumped over as he laid the beer can on the table. “Still asleep and recovering. Mrs. Bodt said he’s making quick progress but he’s still in danger.”

“What do you mean?” Eren’s interest now piqued and the awkwardness forgotten.

Marco floated over as this was also news to him. Since when Jean was talking to his mom? 

“They still don’t the extent of brain damage he suffered from the impact. They don’t know if he’ll be a vegetable, suffer amnesia, or anything until he wakes up. And then there’s the matter of his body deteriorating by not being active. The longer he’s in the coma the longer it’ll take for him to recover.” Jean recited the consequences with a heavy heart.

Eren stood up and walked over to his side, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t stress out about it because there’s nothing you can do. You said it yourself he’s making great progress and I’m sure he’d want you to not worry about it. Skiing accidents are terrible but he got very lucky.”

“I know but still…”

“No buts. You should go out more with Armin, Mikasa, and I to cheer up. Or get something to make this place more cheerful. Like a Christmas tree.”

“Go out and watch you stare longingly at Armin’s backside? No thanks.” Jean quipped, earning a light punch from Eren.

“Yeah well, fuck you too. I’m gonna peace out since unlike you, I still have employment. Take care and keep the beer.” Eren offered as he stood up, grabbing one last can for the road.

“Thanks, asshole.” Jean grinned as he lifted his can in the air. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.” Eren toasted his can back. “Also clean your room. Seriously.”

“What?” Jean tilted his head as Eren left.

Meanwhile, Marco was already hard at work dispersing the toys into their respective boxes before Jean felt the need to check on his room, or had to go pee.

\---

“Oh come on,” Marco wailed as awoke once more in his hospital room. These sudden trips back to the hospital were more of a nuisance than a welcomed break, especially since Jean was out of the house. Another opportunity missed. He floated over to the clock and balked at the time.

Nine hours?! These naps were turning into full bouts of sleep.

Leaving his inhibitions behind, Marco flew out the window and towards Jean’s apartment as quick as possible. Maybe Jean was still out and he could finally use the craptop or something. He still had to check Jean’s internet history afterall.

Marco flew into the apartment to find it dimmer than he recalled, but still warm and comfortable for him. He very rarely felt sensations, but this place offered both those feelings here. It grew warmer though which meant Jean was nearby. As if on cue, the door kicked open to reveal a large white box and a tuft of two tone hair behind it.

“Of all the fucking days for the fucking elevator to be fucking broken, it was the one fucking day I go out and get the fucking Christmas tree.” Jean cursed on his way in. Marco flushed at the remark.

“You kiss your mom with that mouth?” Marco chuckled. Sure Jean had a colorful language, but it took a special something to get him swearing like a sailor. “Who am I kidding? I wanna kiss that mouth still.”

“Seventh floor problems,” Jean muttered as he dropped the box in the corner by the television.

“There’s the Christmas spirit,” someone commented from the doorway. Jean and Marco looked over to see Eren sipping a mug of steaming hot chocolate, wearing nothing but some boxers and an ugly Christmas sweater with ‘Deck my Balls with your Mouth’ written in glitter across it.

“Says you,” Jean huffed as he pointed to Eren’s sweater. His guest merely shrugged before taking a sip of his drink.

“You gonna decorate it?”

Jean scoffed at the implication. “That involves buying decorations and hauling them up seven floors. Fuck that.”

“You don’t have any?” Eren raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t own a Christmas tree until an hour ago, so no I don’t.”

“Why’d you even get it then?”

“Dunno, something to spice up the living room year round.”

“Just decorate it with some of the shit lying around. Lord knows you have enough sex toys for the job,” Eren flushed at his own advice.

Jean almost dropped the tree as he was grabbing it out of the box. “ _Excuse me?!_ ”

“You heard me.” Eren grinned as he watched Jean labor.

“How do you know about those?” Jean turned his attention to Eren.

“You mean besides the fact you work at a sex store? How about all the ones you left out on the bed when we had dinner a few nights ago? I think I counted twenty two dildos.”

“Twenty three and a half if you count the double ended- wait a second. I didn’t leave those out on my bed. I always put them away!” Jean began to correct.

“Whatever, I know what I saw. Wanna rewatch Voltron at my place? I got more shitty beer.”

“Sure, I ain’t got shit else to do.” Jean narrowed his eyes at the abrupt end of the conversation, but liked the suggestion. “I’ll bring one of those bottles of wine Marco gave me though. If I’m getting shit faced I’m going to be classy about it.”

Eren merely shrugged as Jean took the trash from around the Christmas tree and kicked the box to the corner of his apartment. He grabbed a bottle from his fridge before walking out of his place with Eren shutting the door behind him.

Meanwhile, Marco floated in the middle of the room, dumbfounded by his luck. Eren had almost outed his existence without meaning too, not that Jean would’ve believed him. Breathing a sigh of relief, he floated back to the couch to take a seat, no longer bothered by the fact he sunk past the cushion. Despite Eren’s comment about the sex toys, he did have a point. A bare Christmas tree was a problem and the sex toys seemed like a perfect solution. All he needed was ample time to do this and a plausible deniability on Jean’s end.

So he needed Jean hammered for an evening.

The door to the apartment swung open and Jean power-walked to the kitchen, grabbing two more bottles of wine. Without a word he took his leave.

Marco smiled on the couch as opportunity clanked right out the door and into Eren’s apartment.

\---

 _‘ErenSucksDick’_ , Marco typed. The blue laptop screen informed him it was an invalid password, once again. “Darn it, Jean. Get a normal password like the rest of us.”

Marco furrowed his brow as he tried to make sense of the password hint. When prompted, the laptop simply read: Jaeger.

 _’Jaegermeister_.’ The screen flashed red before kicking Marco out of the login screen. He now had ten minutes to come up with anymore new ideas. “Stupid lock screen.”

His head fell forward and hit the desk, falling through it a second later. The door to the apartment swung into the wall, signalling someone had returned. Marco practically slammed the laptop shut as someone stumbled towards the bedroom. A rather flush Jean yawned as he took a step, swayed, and took another step into the room. He started to pull his shirt off before he fell into his bed and stopped moving. Marco rolled his eyes and waited for confirmation that Jean passed out. His loud snore gave Marco the reassurance he wanted.

Regardless of snores, Marco waited in the living room for twenty minutes before pursuing his task. With a sufficient amount of time passed, he started longest phase of his work. First he passed through the bed and started pushing the box of dildos and lube out. Even with all his practice, he could still only move the box a foot or two before pushing through it. Next he had to clear a path from the bedroom to the living room.

He began the tedious task of moving Jean’s clothes, furniture, and leftover plates away from the floor so he could maneuver the box. Keeping quiet as he dragged the items out of the way proved difficult as Jean shifted in his sleep at every clank and creak. He waited a bit longer after that as Jean settled down again.

Having created a path to Christmas tree, Marco proceeded to push the box foot by foot to the living room. Jean barely registered the sound of his toys scooching out of his bedroom. Being able to only move the box so little nibbled away at Marco’s patience but the thought of Jean’s face at the tree motivated him to keep pushing along. After the first box made it to the coffee table, Marco repeated the process once again with the second box under the bed. With time on his side, Marco wasn’t too afraid of wasting it shuffling the boxes but minutes ticked by faster and faster. Deciding to get the last one from the closet, Marco took care to created another path and open the door as silently as possible. Thankfully Jean didn’t stack anything on the box so moving it proved easier than he thought. Tedious like the other boxes, but easy.

“Now for the fun part,” Marco grinned.

He started by taking out all the toys from the boxes and laying them in front of the tree. The variety of toys, colors, and sizes should’ve made the task of decorating the tree easy but it left too many options available to Marco. With so many options for ornaments, garlands, and stars he agonized over what should go where.

Taking it one step at a time, first he hung the leather leashes around the tree. Dingy and dark, but an accurate representation of Jean’s kink, probably. For some color, Marco slipped the dildos around different branches. He left the pink dildo aside as he had big plans for it. Continuing the dark theme from earlier, Marco hung the numerous butt plugs like ornaments. It took some rearranging since he wanted to have an even size gradient around the tree. There were several sizes that puzzled Marco with how big they were, but he shrugged it off. Then the vibrators dotted the tree to continue adding more color.

Staring at the tree, Marco saw the base of the tree only had a stand and nothing more. He opted to wrap the collars around the tree of the base, pausing to laugh at how ridiculous it looked. The tree had enough studs and spikes around its trunk to qualify as a scene kid from high school. Continuing with the accessories, Marco hung several of the cock rings on the branches for added metal.

Finally he picked up the bright pink dildo, the soon-to-be star of the tree. Marco crossed his ethereal arms as he admired his creation. Jean would probably die of humiliation thinking he did this. It was ingenious.

“Why is my dildo floating?” A voice interrupted his thoughts. Or confusion would be Jean’s other option.

“Holy hell?!” Marco spun around, still holding the dildo, as he realized someone stood behind him. A loud slap echoed through the apartment followed by a thud.

Processing the events that just passed, Marco dropped the floppy pink sex toy onto the ground. He quickly covered his mouth once he recalled his curse. His mom would’ve lectured him for an hour about that.

Lying on the floor in front of him laid Jean, knocked out cold. On the right side of his face was a long red mark, vaguely in the shape of a rather well-endowed dick.

“Shoot.”

He knelt down by Jean, poking him a little bit. Despite his meager attempts Jean didn’t move. Dragging Jean back to bed definitely was a no go, so all he could do was wait. How was he going to explain himself? 

“Maybe he’ll think it was just a drunk hallucination?” Marco mused as he observed Jean, noting the quickly reddening bruise. Probably not.

With no other options, Marco picked up the dildo and carefully attempted to place it atop the tree. It took some finagling but he eventually found a study enough way to balance the massive dildo on top the Christmas tree. If only he could get a picture of his creation… along with Jean knocked out below it.

Sunlight penetrated the apartment and confirmed Marco’s worst fears that he probably took too long on the tree. His face fell into a pensive demeanor as he cursed his luck. If Jean drank all that wine he should've been out till noon. 

And despite his best efforts, Jean groaned awake once more.

“What the fuck- ow!” Jean flinched as he touched the side of his head. He stared at the Christmas tree in front of him, slowly rising to his feet. Marco froze in place as Jean slowly backed away into the hallway bathroom. Jean remained in the bathroom for only a few seconds before sprinting to his bedroom. He grabbed only a few things before beelining towards the door and slamming it behind him, not even bothering to lock it.

So much for not explaining himself. Marco floated around the apartment looking for a pen and paper. Getting a pen from Jean’s room wasn’t an issue, paper on the other hand was in rather low supply. Marco found a scrap and attempted to write, but his hand phased through the pen before any meaningful lines could be drawn. This was going to be a problem.

As time ticked by and the minutes turned to hours, Marco tried to think of how to communicate with Jean. He already attempted to open the laptop but that proved futile once again. Writing with a pen or pencil also was impossible. He could go back to the hospital but that just seemed depressing and he really didn’t want to wander the city alone.

Lying on the couch didn’t help so he floated around the apartment looking for something he could use. It wasn’t until he stumbled back upon the box of sex toys did inspiration come once again.

“If sex toys got me into this problem, they can get me out of it.” Marco declared as he picked up the jar of strawberry lube.

He floated over to the bathroom as he determined the best surface to write a message was the wall. With the floor being carpet that removed the option of the one flat surface with enough space. The trip over was more difficult than he thought through. The jar slipped and almost fell twice, so he had to use both hands to steady it. Why was this an issue now? The rise and fall of his powers was going to be his undoing. Along with the pink dildo.

He began by dipping a finger in the lube, trying to balance it as he found suitable wall space. To start, he practiced writing Jean’s name over and over on various spots trying to find the best lube to wall ratio. True to Jean’s comments, the lube was indeed runny but Marco eventually found a good amount. Next he tried angling the lines to minimize dripping.

A long drawn out creak alerted Marco to the front door, and he quickly phased through the wall into the kitchen. The clock indicated Jean had been gone almost all morning, but now he was back in the living room with a rather suspicious looking black plastic bag.

Jean crept up to the Christmas tree, his gaze locked onto the pink dildo. His shaking hand reached into the bag and pulled out a silver pendent. Marco recognized the symbol as the Maria’s Crest, a shield emblazoned with two wings across it. Although it normally represented freedom, nothing else.

“B-b-b-by the authority of t-t-the goddesses Maria, Rose, and…” Jean stopped to look at some ink scribbled on the back of his hand. “And Sheena, I command you to leave!”

Marco’s mouth dropped as he tried to figure out what Jean was doing. “Are… are you trying to get rid of me?”

Did Jean think just the dildo was haunted? This was going to be difficult to explain without having written a message down yet. Seeing no other way to be able to communicate with Jean, he floated over to the tree and pulled the dildo up from it. Jean fell backwards onto his ass as he began rifling through his bag. Marco just waited for Jean to calm down before doing anything else, just leaving the dildo floating.

“B-begone foul demon!” Jean ordered.

Marco twisted the head of the sex toy, as if saying no.

“Is- is my dildo rejecting me?” Jean narrowed his eyes, his confusion overtaking his fear.

Marco flicked the dildo head forward, making it nod.

“Get the fuck out of here!”

Once again he twisted the dildo’s head. Jean’s confusion turned to anger as he glared daggers at the pink dildo. Marco started laughing at the ridiculous situation though.

“This is my apartment. I’ll fucking fight you.”

Curious with how Jean would do that, Marco flicked the dildo forward into a nod. Jean’s shoulders dropped as his challenge was accepted. He looked at the dildo, then at the tree, then back at the dildo. He sprinted past the floating dildo and seized one of the dildos in the tree, carelessly knocking down some of the decorations.

“Hey, I spent a lot of time on that,” Marco frowned.

“Engarde, asshole.”

Marco wanted to fall to the floor with laughter at the absurdity of the situation, but he decided to roll with it and made the first move. He stabbed at Jean, who dodged at the last second. Jean countered by trying to slam down at the dildo with his own, only for Marco to skillfully move out of the way. Was he expecting to sword fight Jean as a ghost? No, but it was going to be more entertaining than anything he schemed thus far.

Their battle continued all over the apartment, with Marco pushing Jean towards the hallway bathroom. Instead of taking the bait, Jean retreated to his room with Marco floating behind.

“Will you just give up?” Jean questioned in between the curses he muttered between every breath.

“Nope,” Marco laughed. Unable to hear his response, Jean continued to fight.

Jean managed to hit the pink double headed dildo hard enough that it flew to the bed. Jean ceased fighting to catch his breath.

“Victory is mine!” he grinned as he caught his breath.

Marco simply picked up the pink dildo and twisted its head. Dismay was plastered across Jean’s face as Marco stabbed at his chest. Jean fell backwards onto his back trying to avoid the shot. The massive pink dildo missed Jean, hit the shitty poster above his head, and went through the hole it was covering up into Eren’s apartment. Theirs fears were confirmed a few seconds later.

“WHAT THE FUCK, KIRSCHTEIN?!”

“Whoops,” Marco grimaced.

“Shit,” Jean concurred.

Jean sprinted to the front room with Marco floating behind, just in time to see a rather angry Eren Jaeger storm into the apartment. He was dressed in the same Christmas sweater and boxers from the night before, but much more furious.

“What the hell, Jean?! I drank, what, a case of beer on top of those two fucking bottles of wine you brought over? I said I’d be sleeping in till one at least, and what do I have the joy of waking up to? A massive bubblegum pink dick appearing before my face!” Eren yelled. Jean and Marco both cringed. “You know I like Armin so why do keep flirting with me?!”

“Uh, that’s not me flirting,” Jean tried to correct, immediately realizing he just stuck his foot in his mouth. “I mean, I can explain!”

“Explain flirting with me?” Eren crossed his arms.

“No, the damn dildo.” Jean rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Oh I know where you got that thing from, you sex toy addict.”

“Well no shit it came from work, my boss gave it to me!”

“Your boss gave it to you? Ew.”

“That’s not the point, Eren.”

“No shit Sherlock,” Eren rolled his eyes. He glanced over at the Christmas tree in the corner. “Oh you took my advice. It actually doesn't look half bad.”

“Focus, Jaeger!” Jean shook his head.

“Oh right. So what the hell?”

“It’s haunted.”

Eren pressed his lips together tightly as he slowly walked towards Jean. He took the dildo from Jean’s hand and threw it to the ground. Suddenly he threw a punch into Jean’s gut, holding him as he curled into his arms. “That’s the best fucking excuse you got? It’s haunted.”

Seeing as this was going nowhere, and that Eren needed some convincing, Marco floated over to the tree, started picking up various sex toys, and tossing them in the general direction of the two boys.

“Dick move…” Jean wheezed.

A vibrator flew behind Eren as he continued to glare at Jean. “No, a dick move is what I woke up to.”

Marco threw a cock ring, hitting Eren in the shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

“I didn’t use that dildo,” Jean denied, another one landing by his feet.

“That doesn’t make it any better!” Eren retorted. A butt plug nailed him in the face. “And will you quit throwing shit at me?!”

“I’m right here, dumbass,” Jean informed him as a bunch of leather leashes landed in their arms.

“Duh,” Eren rolled his eyes. Marco dropped the pile of toys and went into one of Jean’s boxes, digging around for something a little more amusing. He pulled out a collar with ‘Princess’ emblazoned across it. “Wait a minute.”

Eren’s head turned towards Marco in time to see the floating collar come towards him. His normally dark face paled at the sight as it came closer. Marco managed to get the collar around his neck and snap it into place. Eren could only let out choked gasps of air as shock set in.

“Told ya.” Jean shook his head. Not wanting this to escalate further, Marco glided over to the apartment door, closed it, and locked it.

“Wh-wh-what?” Eren stuttered as he wrapped a hand around his neck.

“Back-up plan, Jaeger. To the bathroom!” Jean ordered as he got out of Eren’s embrace and grabbed the black bag from earlier. He sprinted to the bathroom with a shellshocked Eren not too far behind.

Curious as to what this plan entailed, Marco hovered over to the bathroom. He cracked a grin when he found the door shut and locked. Like that was going to stop him. He phased through it to find Jean and Eren practically sitting on top of each other in the cramped space as Jean finished making an outline around them with salt.

“Are you sure this will keep him out?” Eren asked as he clung onto Jean.

“According to the wiki I read, a ring of salt keeps demons out.” Jean informed him.

“But this is like a shity square.” Eren pointed out.

“Don’t diss my ring, it’ll get the job done. Now call Life Arlert, we need his expertiset now!” Jean demanded as he dug in his bag for some more supplies. Eren let go of him and fished out his phone. Marco floated in place as he waited for Armin to pick up.

“Armin? I- no I’m not fine. You know how you always wanted a haunting? Yeah, well I got one. Jean’s apartment,” Eren explained. “No, I’m not kidding you. I don’t know, shit got thrown at us, there’s writing on the wall, all that paranormal stuff you like. I don’t care what you bring, save us!”

Eren hung up the phone as he sighed.

“Well?”

“He’s coming.”

“What did you mean writing on the wall?” Jean turned his head. Eren gestured at Marco’s practice words from earlier. Marco facepalmed as Jean stared at his bathroom walls covered by his name written in strawberry shortcake lube. The shriek that left his lungs chased Marco out of the bathroom.

“Maybe they need their space.” Marco spoke to himself as he floated back to the living room. With some free time until Armin’s presumed arrival, Marco started cleaning up the mess he made and redecorated the tree. If anyone could help him clear up this fiasco it was his physics lab partner.

After the Christmas tree appeared presentable, Marco waited on the couch until a knocking caught his attention. He floated over and unlocked the door, opening it for Armin. The blond walked in, somewhat surprised by the lack of hosts.

“Hello?” he called out.

“Armin?” two voices replied.

“Where are you guys?” Armin followed the voices to the hallway. “Are you in here?”

Marco phased through the wall to unlock the bathroom door, and open it again.

“Yes,” they weakly answered. Still clinging to each other in the tiny circle.

Armin chuckled as he stared at the sight. “Is that a salt circle?”

“Yes?” Jean answered in a whisper.

“Unless that’s blessed salt, that doesn’t do anything.” Armin offered a hand to help his friends up. Eren punched Jean when they got to their feet. “Now what’s all this about a haunting.”

“Here. Demonic dildo is fucking up my shit,” Jean continued. “I never thought I’d have to google how to exorcise a dildo.”

“Uh-huh. I see the writing but what got tossed around?” Armin further inquired.

“How’d you miss it? It was all over the living room,” Eren spoke up. The three boys walked to the living room to find it all clean and the tree redone. “That motherfucker.”

“Nice Christmas tree Jean, I’m pretty sure ornaments are cheaper.” Armin laughed.

“Don’t sass me, Arlert. Half those decorations were pelted at us. Hell, Eren still has the collar the ghost put on him.” Jean gestured to him.

Armin inspected Eren’s neck, his goofy smile betraying his demeanor. “Don’t laugh, Armin. It’s serious.”

“Okay, _princess_ ,” Armin defensively waved his arms in front of him. “Do we know what kind of demon we’re dealing with?”

“A sex demon probably. Between the dildo going through my wall and Jean’s toys I feel like that’s obvious.”

Armin nodded as he walked back to the bathroom. He came back with some of the lube on his finger tips. He smelled it before taking a lick. “Strawberry, tasty.”

“What?” Jean and Eren deadpanned.

“Your name was written in strawberry lube. Very funny prank guys.” Armin rolled his eyes as he returned to the bathroom to bring back the jar of lube.

“Oh that’s where I left it,” Marco giggled. He floated over to Armin.

“We aren’t pranking you!” Eren denied.

“Really? Nothing’s been thrown around, the bathroom was a joke at best, and you both are okay. Nice try though. You both look terrified. Although I didn’t know Jean had so many sex toys.”

“It’s a problem,” Jean confessed, before Eren nudged him. “But seriously there’s a demon here.”

“Oh really? Ghost, please show yourself,” Armin politely requested as he slipped off his backpack. Since he asked nicely, Marco stuck a ghostly finger in the lube and pulled a glob out.

“A-armin…” Jean pointed at the floating lube.

Following Jean’s finge,r Armin went wide eyed at the sight. Marco then wiped the glob off on Armin’s nose. “Neat.”

Unlike his two frightened companions, Armin grinned widely at his wet nose.

“Told ya,” Eren huffed, crossing his arms.

“Well, no time like the present!” Armin’s glee could hardly be contained. He dropped to his knees and started rummaging through his backpack, bringing out a rolled up cloth. “If we’re gonna talk with it it’s time to use the ouija board.”

“Oh no. I ain’t opening my apartment up for more demons and shit to come through. One sex demon is enough, I don’t want a whole harem messing around here,” Jean refused.

Armin’s face fell at the denial, like a sad puppy. Jean felt remorse crawl into his belly, but he already made his decision. As usual it was up to Marco to solve this.

He floated near Armin, watching the blond shiver at his presence. If they couldn’t use a board thing to talk to each other, then his back-up plan would have to suffice. Marco picked up the jar from Armin and hovered back to the living room wall behind the couch. Grabbing some of the lube, he wrote out a simply message, ‘ _Hi_.’

“Lovely, it knows English,” Armin remarked while Jean and Eren gaped at the writing.

“And you thought we wrote those messages,” Eren shook his head.

“Let's ask it some basic questions. Are you a demon?”

‘ _No_.’

Jean and Eren looked at each other. Armin sighed, “See, not an incubus or succubus.”

“A what?” Eren questioned.

“Sex demons.” Jean clarified.

“Are you a spirit?” Armin interrogated further.

‘ _Maybe? I don’t know what I am_.’

“Interesting. Are you friendly then?”

‘ _Yup_.’

“Nothing to be afraid of at all.” Armin declared.

“Nothing to be afraid of? I was assaulted by a goddamn dildo! Do you not see this bruise?!” Jean gestured to the side of his face, a little pink but a dick could still be seen. Having the opposite effect as intended, Armin broke down laughing.

‘ _Accident. You surprised me_.’

Jean gawked at the response. “Surprised _you_? How do you think I felt seeing a floating dildo in my living room?”

‘ _Not much after you got KO’ed_.’

“Am I being sassed by a ghost?” Jean shook his head. Marco simply responded by underlining his previous ‘Yup’ answer. “I was not prepared for today.”

“None of us were. Except Armin,” Eren glared at the wall, his focus just missing Marco. “What about attacking me with the same dildo?”

Using his last bit of wall space Marco wrote out, ‘ _Someone fetch the craptop and I can write more_.’

“The what?” Eren tilted his head sideways.

Jean froze looking at the sentence as more color drained from his face, “My laptop. Hold on.”

A few seconds later Jean returned with his ancient device and booted it into Microsoft word.

Seeing his opportunity Marco flew on over and started typing up a storm.

‘ _Thank you, Jean. And for Eren’s question: Jean did it. He wanted to sword fight so I accommodated_.’

“You wanted to sword fight a freaking ghost? How stupid are you?” Eren slapped a hand against his forehead.

‘ _That remains to be seen_.’

“I like this spirit. Sassy and fun. You’re very lucky, Jean.” Armin nodded.

“We called you to solve this problem, not encourage it.” Jean glared at his friend.

“I don’t know why you want something this cool gone, but whatever. Spirit, could you leave Jean alone?”

‘ _I’d prefer to stay until I’m better_.’ Marco felt his stomach drop at the notion of leaving.

“What does that even mean?” Jean seemed more puzzled than angered by the message.

“I really don’t know. Spirit, what you mean?”

‘ _I’ll be leaving here in a few weeks hopefully_.’

“A few weeks? Son of a bitch.” Jean complained as he sat on the floor.

‘ _Don’t call my mom a bitch. She likes you_.’

“Did- did I just offend a spirit?”

“I think you missed the part where you know its mother.” Eren pointed out.

“What?”

‘ _And I know the three of you. Jean Kirschtein, mechanical engineering major and resident sex toy addict. Eren Jaeger, biomedical engineering major trying to become a doctor like his dad and pain in Jean’s butt. Armin Arlert, physics major and paranormal expert. All three attend Sina University and all three are hella gay_.’

“How in the hell…” Eren seemed startled by the paragraph. Armin and Jean too remained silent. “Armin, you’re gay?”

“Focus, Jaeger! Quit missing the point, please,” Jean spoke, exasperation evident in his tone. 

“Well, yeah I am,” Armin admitted, blushing like the other two. “I didn’t know you two were either. Well, Jean I had a hint. Or two.”

“More like twenty two hints. Trust me I counted.” Eren looked at the Christmas tree. “I had no idea about you ‘Min.”

“I’m bi, not gay.” Jean corrected. “Somebody explain how a fucking ghost knows this?!”

While the boys were discussing their orientations, they didn’t notice Marco was already out of the Word document and surfing the internet. When the spirit became the focus of the conversation again, they saw the screen changed to Marco Bodt’s profile.

“Why is it- oh. No. No. Nope,” Jean shook his head furiously. “He’s still alive. You can’t be him.”

Switching back to the Word document Marco typed, ‘ _Surprise!_ ’

The boys looked warily between each other as Jean seemed to be on the verge of a panic attack. Marco felt concern well-up inside him as he tried to gauge their responses. Armin frowned but continued the dialogue, “Are you Marco Bodt?”

‘ _Yes_.’

“But you’re alive?”

‘ _Yes. To my knowledge_.’

“But why are you here? Like this?”

‘ _Don’t know. Woke up like this and was drawn here. This place makes me feel warm and happy, no where else does that_.’

“Ah, makes sense.” Armin nodded.

“What does?” Jean interrupted.

“Marco’s in a coma, correct? I believe he’s astral projecting his consciousness and it came here.”

“Why here though?” Jean crossed his arms. “He’s never been to my apartment since I moved here.”

“Spirits are often drawn towards people with strong emotional bonds or ties. You’re Marco’s best friend so it makes sense.”

“Best friend and wanna be lover,” Eren smirked.

“Hello pot, I’m kettle.” Jean retorted, effectively silencing Eren.

“Marco, do you like Jean?” Armin asked. Both Eren and Jean stopped squabbling as Marco felt nervous for the first time since becoming a ghost. Or astral projection as Armin put it.

‘ _Yes. As more than friends._ ’

“Well that confirms it. Strong emotional bonds.”

“Wait, what?” Jean blinked, the message not registering with him.

“You like him and he likes you, Kirschtein. Congrats, you’re rooming with the spirit of your boyfriend.” Eren smiled.

“Huh.”

“Congratulations, Jean.”

‘ _We really should do this double date thing again when I’m back in my body_.’

“Double date?” Armin quirked an eyebrow, not noticing Eren’s face reddening. That seemed to kick Jean out of his stupor.

“Well this was productive, but I have a hangover I need to sleep off so bye.” Eren waved as he proceeded to stand up to leave.

“Like hell you are, Jaeger.” Jean grabbed Eren by his collar and pulled him back down.

‘ _You’re turn_.’

“What do they mean?”

“Marco, I’m gonna kick your ghostly ass,” Eren grumbled as he found a rather interesting spot on the carpet with his eyes.

‘ _Try it, Princess. I already beat Jean_.’

“I swear he got sassier as a spirit.” Eren shook his head. Armin remained confused during all the banter, knowing he was missing the point. “Armin, I like you.”

“Uh huh. I like you too. You’re a good friend.” Armin shook his head.

“No, not like that!” Eren denied swiftly. He gulped as he placed his hands on Armin’s shoulders. “I _like_ like you.”

“Just like I like Marco.” Jean provided moral support.

Now it was Armin’s turn to blush. “R-really? Me?”

“Yes.” Eren’s gaze returned to the spot on Jean’s carpet. When he felt another hand come atop his, he almost fell over from surprise.

“Me too.” Armin gave an earnest smile.

Jean cracked a wry smile, feeling a bit empty that he couldn’t do the same right now with Marco. He did feel goosebumps crawl across his skin when Marco passed through him.

\---

“Marco! If I don’t see those stockings floating over here in three seconds it's going to be another dinner you’re buying when you’re back in your body.” Jean threatened, tapping his fingers against the wall impatiently.

Rolling his eyes, Marco floated back into the living with the requested decorations. He dropped them by Jean before going to the laptop on the coffee table. ‘ _I’m surprised you even still have these from freshman year._ ’

Jean finished hanging the stockings by the Christmas tree, keeping them in place with his nipple clamps, before reading the laptop. “Well I wasn’t going to throw away knit stockings. I haven’t celebrated Christmas since then.”

Marco hovered above the couch. He frowned at Jean’s lack of holiday spirit, but it was another difference between city life and growing up in Jinae. Christmas was the one thing his massive family always looked forward to, even if he was going to be celebrating it as a ghost this year. Or astral projection as Armin kindly informed him, repeatedly.

Another week had passed since Marco’s presence became known and the boys already adjusted to the random things Marco attempted. Floating objects became routine, just like Jean’s crude Christmas tree and Eren’s perpetual lack of pants. Armin more or less moved in with Eren, not bothering to leave. Marco made the mistake of flying through the wall once and immediately regretted that decision. He learned that Jean wasn’t the only kinky one in the friend group.

A beep in the kitchen alerted the two boys the food was almost done. “Can you turn that off? I’ll take it out in a minute. Thanks, boo.”

Marco didn’t miss the smirk that crossed jean’s face every time he called him that. Jean thought he was being cute, and Marco agreed. This last week had been amazing for him, even if his only way to talk to the world was through the laptop. Jean almost always smiled, and that was enough of a reaction to keep Marco from making pranks.

Doing as told, Marco turned off the oven and opened the front door to let some heat out. With Christmas Eve dinner in a few minutes, Jean actually attempted a casserole for himself and their guests. Eren and Jean wanted to do McDonalds or pizza, but Armin and a floating pink dildo put an end to those suggestions.

“Done,” Jean said as he stepped back from the wall. He placed his hands on his hips as he admired his handiwork.

‘ _You hung up two stockings._ ’

Jean glanced at the laptop on his way to the kitchen. “I did. Aren’t you proud of me?”

The ghost shook his head as a knocking came from the door. 

“I got it,” Marco announced as he glided to get their guests.

“Can you get it?” Jean asked.

“Right, can’t understand me,” Marco grumbled as he opened the door for Eren and Armin.

“Look what ghost dragged in,” Jean laughed from the kitchen,

“Astral projection,” Armin corrected as the couple entered. Marco rolled his eyes.

“We have beer,” Eren raised a plastic bag next to his side.

“And cookies!” Armin raised Eren’s other hand.

“And I got food.” Jean replied as he brought the casserole to the dinner table. Four chairs were lined up, though only three were set with plates. Marco picked up the laptop from the living room and floated it over to the empty spot.

As his guests and boyfriend waited by the table, Jean slowly brought over glasses, bread, and some condiments.

“Thanks for inviting us over.” Armin offered as he stared at the casserole.

“Don’t thank me, thank Casper for the idea. I just made the food.”

‘ _I googled the recipe for him._ ’ Marco responded.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to be here regardless.”

“Dig in, please,” Jean gestured to the food before him as he took a seat. Armin reached for the bread and jam while Eren and Jean fought for the casserole. Eren won and helped himself as Jean shook his head, settling for the bread and jam as Armin passed it to him. Marco merely laughed at the display. Even if he couldn’t eat he loved the company knowing he was there.

Armin bit into his bread as Eren gulped down the main course. Jean did the same as Armin. Marco grinned as he looked at the jar they were using as jam. Only a few bites in, did Armin slowly stop chewing his food as he stared at the glass jar of jam by Jean. He abruptly stood up, “Excuse me.”

Eren and Jean watched Armin make a speedy exit from the apartment. “He does know I’ve got a perfectly good bathroom right here, right?”

“He should.”

The boys waited as Armin returned less than a minute later with a small tube. Marco’s eyes widened as he read the label. “Strawberry shortcake lubricant.”

Armin set the tube down next to his bread as he grabbed the jar from Jean. Eren’s face went red as Jean realized this. “Is that the same lube that I have?”

“Maybe.” Eren coughed, his cheeks completely flushed.

Ignoring Jean’s question, Armin dipped a finger into the jar and took a lick before squeezing some lube onto another finger and repeating the process. “A-ha!”

Marco felt a chill go down his spine as anticipation crawled along his skin. Someone _finally_ found him out. He looked straight at Jean as Armin did the same.

“What?” Jean raised an eyebrow.

“They’re the same.” Armin offered the jam and lube together.

“Huh?” Jean took the objects from Armin and tasted them. Once he taste tested both, his face fell flat from astonishment. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“What?” Eren’s eyes searched his two friends from some hint of what was happening.

“That’s not jam in that jar.” Armin explained as his smile stretched from ear to ear.

“Marco. You douchebag.” Jean exhaled heavily through gritted teeth.

“How long have you been eating that?” Armin wondered as he rested his face forehead in his palms.

“Three weeks. Three weeks I’ve been eating lube for breakfast,” Jean shook, his anger getting the better of him. Eren and Armin both lost it and their heads fell to the table. Marco fell out of his chair grabbing his sides, his laughter loud. “That’s not fucking funny!”

“Yes it is,” Marco disagreed from the floor. He wheezed as he lost himself in pure bliss. He steadied himself on his chair after a minute. “That’s your Christmas gift.”

“That’s such a shitty Christmas gift,” Jean spat back at Marco. Marco ceased all laughter at that remark. It took them a moment but all three guests stopped and stared at Marco’s seat. “M-marco?”

“You heard me?” Marco felt his nerves spiking from excitement.

“We can see you.” Armin broke the news. Everyone remained silent as shock overtook them, before Marco faded in front of them.

\---

A faint yet nostalgic fog washed over Marco’s conscious as familiar but foreign sounds returned. A low hum reverberated through the haze, followed by a scratch, and then a pause. These sounds repeated but steadily increase in intensity. Yet Marco was unable to follow the sounds, he could only try to protect his ears from the loud noises. Those attempts were futile as nothing dulled the pain. And just as it reached a fever pitch, it all suddenly stopped.

Beams of light slowly pierced the fog. The dark void of a sky cracked and more light shined down. Marco backed away from the light as much as he could but even he couldn’t avoid the light forever. The beams grew and grew until the darkness ceased to be. The fog also dissipated as Marco dared to walk into the light.

His head felt heavy as if filled with concrete, and his eyelids the same. Mustering what strength he could, Marco managed to barely stare ahead of himself. In front of him stood a familiar pudgy woman bearing a silver shield on her neck.

“Oh thank Maria!” She all but yelled, causing Marco to flinch. Noticing his pain, she quickly brought her tone down. “Oh, sorry baby.”

Rather than stay awake though, Marco felt himself drift of once again.

This process repeated over and over for like an eternity. He didn’t know when he gained control of his faculties but every time he’d awake for just a moment and try to say something, his mind would just reel back into the comfortable darkness. Sometimes he’d see the lady he recognized as his mom, sometimes there would be doctors, and sometimes he thought he saw his best friend. One day he managed to stay awake long enough to move his fingers, and everything became a step by step process after that till he recovered enough to do physical therapy.

Eventually he regained his ability to walk and move about without getting tired. It was a long process but he had his mom and family for the entire process. Sometimes he’d get texts from his friends and cards, but the spring college semester nixed most chances of people coming to visit him.

Despite this, Marco persevered until he could be released from the hospital and returned home. From one suffocating place to the next, Marco missed the ability to go out and do things by himself. “Mom, I’m going to get my haircut.”

“Can you get there by yourself, honey?” a concerned voice called back.

“It's just down the street, I’ll be fine.” Marco rolled his eyes. “I have my cell phone in case I need your help.”

Without waiting for a reply, Marco casually walked to the nearby barber. His hair was too long for his tastes and if he planned on accomplishing his goal for the day, he’d want to look his best.

A quick but stylish cut later, Marco found himself meandering towards a store usually avoided by the people in his neighborhood. In front of him stood a small but well kept shop with tinted black windows. The sign read _Titan Toys_. A wry smile formed after he thought about the amount of times he had to prevent his younger siblings from visiting the shop.

The door announced his presence with a grating ding. A small black haired man at the checkout station simply nodded in acknowledgement as Marco entered the store. “How may I help you, sir?”

“Just browsing today, thank you.” Marco gave a polite but brief reply.

“Well if you need any help, you can find me back here or my associate meandering around. That useless shit stain is somewhere.”

“Levi,” a voice boomed from below the register.

“I mean useless employee.”

Marco flushed a little thinking about where that voice came from. He simply nodded as he began his journey around the store.

Perusing the various sex toys proved to be more nostalgic than Marco intended, especially since he was simply trying to refresh his memory. Waking from the coma had its share of side effects and Marco still was sorting through them, on top of his physical recovery efforts. The mental problems weren’t as easy to process.

“Come on, Eren. You know this would be fun,” Marco overheard his physics lab partner practically begging. Marco snuck around the corner to find Armin showing a few toys that Marco didn’t recognize to Eren. “I _know_ you’d like this.”

“Then get it for him. Dr. Zoe pays you enough to buy your own stuff,” Marco commented. His two friends whipped their heads around, stunned by the intruder. While Eren went red, Armin instead went wide eyed from surprise.

“Marco, you’re out of the house.” Armin said, closing the gap between him and Marco fairly fast.

“Yup, I’m just checking things out here. What brings you two here? Are you guys finally dating?” Marco tilted his head, trying to confirm his suspicions.

Both boys’ faces fell for an instant before recovering. “Yeah, it happened while you were in the coma.”

Marco furrowed his brow as he thought about it. It was another nail in the metaphorical coffin for Marco’s supposed hallucinations. At the risk of sounding crazy he asked, “I know this will sound bizarre, but was I there for it?”

Armin’s mouth opened agape. Eren continued to only stare in between the boys. “Does he remember Armin?”

“He- he shouldn’t.” Armin thought aloud.

“Not remember my time at Jean’s? I thought I was nuts at first but things have been coming back to me in pieces,” Marco admitted. “The doctors said I probably dreamt some weird things while I was under so I thought they were just that.”

“What do you remember?” Armin rubbed his chin as Eren ran off to another aisle to grab something.

“Not much. I remember being there, I remember you guys on the floor for some reason, and I recall _that_.” Marco pointed at Eren when he returned with a massive pink double headed dildo.

“I hope he remembers the best parts with it.” Eren gave a wicked grin.

“Did I use it or something?” Marco inquired.

Armin and Eren stared at each other before shrugging. “Not sure for it’s intended purpose but you did use it against Jean.”

Eren offered it to Marco. Marco flipped it around in his hands, examining the texture and details. It did seem familiar, but why?

“What are you two-” a snappy voice demanded to know, unknowingly scaring Marco. Marco spun around, the dildo moving along with him. The three boys winced when they heard it make contact with Jean’s face.

The boys watched as Jean fell backwards momentarily before regaining his balance. Marco immediately apologized, “Oh my God I’m so sorry!”

“Goddamn, that still hurts!” Jean complained, rubbing his cheek. The venom in his voice faded when he noticed who slapped him. “Marco?”

“Hi, I didn’t mean to hit you. I just wanted to come in and say hi but I got caught up talking with these two trying to remember being at your place and then you scared me and- oh Maria that’s the second time I’ve done that,” Marco rambled as it suddenly returned to him. Not everything, but it felt like the floodgates opened. He dropped the dildo and stared at Jean.

“Wait? He remembers?!” Jean asked the other two.

“Kind of, just not much.” Armin shrugged.

The hurt returned to Jean’s face. It was brief as Marco wrapped his arms around his neck. “I don’t recall everything but I think I got the important parts. I can’t believe I forgot this.”

Jean went wide eyed as Marco pulled him into a kiss. It was sloppy and quick, stunning Jean as much as their onlookers. “Y-you do remember.”

“You have no idea how long I waited to do that.” Marco said as he broke apart from Jean.

“And you have no idea how long I waited for when you got better. I had no idea how I was going to ask you out after all that.”

“Just like you should now,” Marco informed him.

“Uh, w-wanna go on a double date with those two?” Jean gestured with his thumb over his shoulder to Eren and Armin. Both looked at each other before rolling their eyes.

“Of course,” Marco accepted as he embraced Jean once again. Jean hugged him tightly back, finally able to enjoy the physical contact. He only let go once Marco deemed it necessary. “Oh yeah, do you guys know why I have an intense craving for strawberries now?”

Marco was left puzzled when Jean’s face turned crimson, but Eren and Armin tumbled to the floor in a fit of laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> This MiniBang grew larger than expected into the longest thing I've ever written, so that's a new milestone. What started as a fun little concept turned into this sprawling idea that I thought would be fun to write, and several others agreed. I had privilege to collaborate along side [angel-of-darkness-217](http://angel-of-darkness-217.tumblr.com/), [wear-a-reynkout](http://wear-a-reynkout.tumblr.com/), and [commodorecliche](http://commodorecliche.tumblr.com/) for this story. All of them were fantastic enough to take the time to create art for this piece and help brainstorm when I asked for it. They are all great and beautiful people that deserve only good things. Check out their blogs, like their art, and reblog the shit out of it. They all have tremendous talent. Seriously.
> 
> I'll link their pieces below as they pop up.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read this piece! As always, all comments are appreciated and any messages to me on [tumblr](http://firegrilled.tumblr.com/) are welcome. All feedback is A+++!


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